I've just found this site today and replied to the poems, after reading some of the posts i have found a little peace. Like many of you i was 18 when James was murdered and whilst i was horrified it is not unitl the recent publicity around JV has it brought it all back, especailly when i went on to read the dreadful events of the 12/02/93! I too now have children aged 3 and 11 months, my little boy resembles James in a slight way! I am haunted by what he went through, although i firmly believe he is an angel, more so after what i can only describe as 'strange' occurrences recently, my husband must think i'm going mad! I've never thought much about angels until now and i believe that it is through James that i'm learning more and things are beginning to make sense. I have also supported the red balloon centre and have donated a few times and will continue to do so when i can.

I have an over whelming need to visit James' grave, i live about 100 miles away from it, had i not got 2 young children i would have gone already, maybe i will get there some day, i read what Peter wrote about his sadness there, but peace when leaving, i'm now in tears again!

I feel sometimes that i don't deserve to be upset, especailly when i think about what his parents have gone through! Does Denise know how much people are affected by James and how much he is loved, although not known to us? Someone said that they thought James had sent her a sign that he was okay - how wonderful would that be!

It feels so good to get some of this off my chest, i feel like i am grieving for James and whilst i feel James will be forever in my heart, i need to move on to a happier place with it all!

I was out with a friend recently who in her line of work has access to things we wouldn't know, she know's what prison JV is and says that he shows no remorse! This also played on my mind, not just because at the end of the day it could be hearsay but i wonder how on earth they themselves could ever be at peace or when they close their eyes how they must feel. I would hate to think that these monsters had no remorse for their heinous crime!

So pleased to have found you all!

xx