Thank you, Respected Tom Ji and Respected Sister Jayanti. I have not visited Mother's courtyard for long. Sister Rosemary just reminded me of it and I will by and by try to read the posts which I had missed reading. The picture is wonderful, Tom ji, and Sister Jayanti, it is nice to 'see' you again here after long. Trust all of you are keeping well. I recently got married on the 9th of February, 2011. It has again reminded me of the saying that Life is not a bed of roses!
I am at home on my lunch hour and must admit that I have had you on my mind all morning long. Your comment about marriage has made me think of my own wedding and how in the beginning I wasn't sure if I had made a mistake. Although our marriage did not endure for the long haul (He is on his 3rd marriage, I have never remarried) still, the marriage afforded me some sporatic moments of supreme happiness that I am so glad to have experienced. So for me, all was not lost and for that reason, I do not regret it.
Do not despair!!
Your old friend and sister from long ago,
Rosemary
Thank you, Sister Rosemary. I will send you a mail today. No experience can be said to be entirely negative or entirely positive in our experience of duality. So some good is bound to result from my present experience. One immediate good is that it has reminded me of certain things and reinforced my faith in Sri Ramakrishna and the Holy Mother. For example, 'Who but Hari/Guru is your help?', 'Nobody , nobody is your own (except God)' et cetera. Of course the Holy Mother has asked us to regard everyone as our own. True. But for each his/her unique experience. For me, again and again I have found instances of kindnesses and gentleness and the softer soothing emotions from complete strangers, from unexpected quarters as I move about and on in life. But again and again has the truth (for me) been brought or knocked on my consciousness that it is God and God alone manifesting through those persons in those moments. It is Sri Ramakrishna (God for me) alone who is righteous and good and kind and compassionate and loving and has an ear and heart for us, and none else, and Sri Ramakrishna alone is my own, the suhrit, the selfless friend.
Sister, I have been writing from office. Just now a phone call came and interrupted the flow of thoughts. So, I will wind up for now. Just shared some thoughts.
You have spoken well. End the end, I believe that the great lesson is to learn to rely on God.
In the book "They Lived With God" I am surprised to see how many of the direct devotees of Sri Ramakrishna entered into marriage "against their will". I am not saying that this is your circumstance but (to me) it seems that the institution of marriage involves a certain karmic yoke or debt.
With hindsight, if I could go back and do it over again, the only thing that I would do differently would be to practice non-attachment and to strive to make my own self happy and to leave the problem of his happiness to himself. This does not mean that I would be selfish and really, the concept of non-attachment (to me) would preclude any vestige of "self"-ishness.
I found this passage in Sister Gargi's book "A Disciple's Journal". Although Swami Ashokananda is undoubtedly speaking of spiritual success in this life, still, this is good advice for all aspects of what we wake up to in this world.
I share the passage here:
November 13, 1953
Swami (to me, on his way out): You have to lift yourself by yourself. In the Gita it says that. (He quoted the verse in Sanskrit, then repeated it in English.) "Let a man be lifted by his own self: let him not lower himself; for he himself is his friend, and he himself is his enemy" You see, it is truth. Sri Krishna has said that. It is not just talk or a nice idea. It is true."
"A Disciple's Journal" by Sister Gargi, pp 103-104
