Hello everyone. I just wanted to share something with all of you. With the anniversary of James' death soon approaching I've been finding myself more and more upset and crying about what happened to him. I have been waking up in the middle of the night for the last week thinking about him and feeling so sad and helpless. I keep thinking if only someone had helped him. I try to "fool" my mind that he couldn't have suffered as much as we all think he did. I cried so much last night that I actually felt sick. My 2 boys are very aware of James and that someone hurt him and made his mommy very sad. My eldest son made me cry the other night when he said "I want to give baby James a hug and his mommy too." The other day my boys were at daycare so I was alone in the house and I was thinking about James and crying and although it may sound funny to some people I started telling James out loud how much we all love him and want to help his mommy then I kid you not I got the coldest chill throughout my entire body it freaked me out. I know I live in the frozen Yukon but I was in the house and it was very warm inside. I know it might not mean anything but I thought it was strange & it's never happened to me before or since. (Thank goodness for all of you I would never be able to tell anyone else these things for fear they'll think I've lost it!) I like to believe this was James' way of letting me know he can hear me but it could have just been that I was so upset and that made me feel cold. Have any of you ever experienced something like this?

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Hi Ali, poor you! I used to really dread Feb 12th and work myself up about it but when it came around it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. I actually feel its a calm day for me and I light my candle for him too and its fine because you know it might be the day he died but no one will ever hurt him again. I actually find he's birthday the worst day because he should be celebrating. We celebrate for him and make/buy a smartie cake for our children to eat. I brought one last year but this year I will make one with lots of love :o)
We know how you feel Ali xxxx

Ali I felt the exact same way at this time last year. I dreaded Feb. 12th. So on that day my family and I decided to go to the mall. I kinda wanted to go because that was James last trip. Well while on the highway we were hit head on by a truck and are lucky to even be alive. We were all injured but no injured organs or head injuries. I felt lil James with me that day and I knew I had to do something for him. (I am tearing up now) So this year I am both dreading and celebratung that day. It was a day that James life was taken but my family was spared! I just know that James is with me at times and I know that he is happy.

Hi Julie and Sarah. Thanks for understanding how I feel. It's really tough right now because my youngest son Aaron is at the exact same age as James was too; he will be 3 on March 8th. When he hurts himself and cries I hug him so tight and I sometimes cry thinking about poor James. (I have to hide my tears because I don't like my kids to see me cry too much; they are used to a very happy mommy who laughs a lot!) I wish so much that someone could have been there to hug James and make him all better. You are right Julie that no one can ever hurt him again. Sarah, I'm so glad that none of you were seriously injured in that terrible accident. It's comforting to know that you feel James with you and that he is ok now. I wish so much that I could have contact with James. Take care and thanks for listening. xo

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Oh I forgot to add Julie that I think making cake for James' birthday is such a great idea. His life should be celebrated. My youngest son will be 3 on March 8th but I'm VERY sure my kids would not mind having another birthday celebration a week later for James! (Strangely my son was actually due on March 16th but I ate a super hot curry one night and he popped out early! Funny but true!!) You have helped lift my spirits with ideas like this; I don't want to get too down and depressed about what happened to James and should try to think of all the happy times he had more often. Talk to you all soon! xo

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I always have dates match up too the spirits I feel around me. Like the accident was on James 15 yr death anniversary. I found out I was pregnant with Wyatt on March 16th and I had him on November 10th which is the death anniversary of another spirit that has affected my life! My daughter was born in February and my son was concieved in February on the day that James was released to his family for burial! The first time I read about James I was on my way to the mall with my brother(who was the same age of the evil boys)mom and grandma! Just strange things that seem to line up over the years. Maybe it is coincidence but I don't think so. Rest in Peace James,you are a friend that I will keep forever! Love Sarah

Ali we all understand how you feel and we will all be thinking of James and his family and eachother on Feb 12. Last year I lit a candle for James also, I think we should all do that again this year. And to do something special with our kids that day I think is a great way to honor James.

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Hi Carla! Thanks for understanding how I feel. I try not to get too down about James but there are times when I'm just overwhelmed with grief. It doesn't matter how many years go by either; it's the saddest thing I've ever heard about in my life. You are right about doing something fun with the kids that day. We will be celebrating James' life and our time together as a family that day. Life really is so precious and I treasure every minute with my boys even more because of James. xo

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Oh yeah, I forgot to say of course I will be thinking of James' family and all of you on February 12th too. We will be in Las Vegas still and if I happen to win any money (I'm not much of a gambler but may pull a few slots for fun!) I will give it all to James' appeal fund. xo

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I hope you don't lose your money Ali. I hate casinos,been once and lost all my money in less than an hour. I was so mad! LOL But I'm sure you will have fun in Vegas.

Hi Sarah! Yeah, I'm certainly not much for gambling either. I work too hard for my money to lose it!! My hubby and I got married in Las Vegas and I had never gambled in my life until that trip. It must have been wedding luck because I only gambled small amounts but I won quite a bit. I was smart though; I went and bought all my friends souvenirs with my winnings so I didn't gamble it all away!! I think now that I have kids to raise and James' house to raise money for I'm even more afraid of losing any $$ so I'll just pull a couple of nickel machines this time around! xo

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That sounds good. No big bets! lol

Maybe with it being for such a good cause you will win big!!!

Hi Ali

Hope you have a great holiday in Las Vegas, hope you win lots for little James, best of luck Ali.

I too am not looking forward to the 12th February, I'll be thinking of Denise certainly on that day and also I would like to make a small donation to the red balloon centre on behalf of everyone here at a dream swiftly stolen.

It won't be much I'm afraid but at least they will get some tax relief with donation coming from the UK - is everyone ok if I mention a dream swiftly stolen?

Maybe the day we all get together you can buy me a drink in return. Thanks everyone.

Love Angela

That is so sweet of you Angela and it's ok with me, I think it is a great idea to let them know about us here.

Hi Angela and thank you for your kind wishes and for your generosity. I think that's a wonderful idea to mention A Dream Swiftly Stolen. You are a very thoughtful person to do this for us all on here. Yes, I hope to win some money for James' house; I won't gamble too much and just hope I don't lose anything! xo

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Thats a very nice thing to do Angela. I think it is a wonderful idea. Who knows it may get us some new friends! Little James Fan Club!!

Angela, thank you so much for including us in your donation. I cannot tell you how much we all appreciate your kindness.
Ali, I hope you have a marvelous time in Las Vegas. I have never been, but I hear it's a riot. I suspect that visiting James in the summertime will be cheerier.

Angela, how very kind and generous. Thank you.

I wanted to ask you about the "tax relief" that Red Balloon gets from people in the UK. Do you mean the Gift Aid supplement? Or is there anything in addition to that as well? I have noticed the Gift Aid on the Justgiving website. It's nice that Red Balloon can get more than what people actually donate.

Thanks again, Angela. I was thinking of making another donation around Feb 12th as well -- it makes me feel a little better about next week coming up.

Hi Everyone,

Thank you so much for the OK on that, I know that Denise will be very much in our thoughts on the 12th February. The pain in her heart must be unbearable, yet she holds herself together so well. It will be hard not to think of those last few hours of James' life and it will hurt very much. God bless you James we are always thinking of you darling - I would give all my money if it would bring you back and make things better.

Hi Jennifer as I understand it the Gift Aid scheme is for gifts of money from UK taxpayers. Charities take the donation - which is money already paid tax on - and reclaim basic rate tax from HM Revenue & Customs on its 'gross' equivalent - being the amount before basic rate tax was deducted.

Basic rate tax is 20 per cent, so this means that if I give £10 using Gift Aid, it’s worth £12.50 to the charity. Hope that makes sense.

Speak soon everyone
Love and best wishes
Angela xxx

Hi Angela,

Thanks for the explanation re: Gift Aid supplement. I have noticed it on the justgiving site, but it didn't seem to be added to the total amount donated. Do you know does the charity get that money at the time of donation, or do they need to claim it and receive it later? It's a great idea. I don't think Canada has anything equivalent.

Best wishes to the week ahead. Yesterday when I was at church I started tearing up thinking about James and his family; I prayed for them. Denise, as well as Ralph, and the rest of their families, will be in my thoughts especially this week. Denise is an amazing woman. I hope Ralph is doing okay, too -- I haven't heard anything about him lately. I hope that he is just as enthusiastic about the James Bulger Red Balloon school as Denise seems to be.

Hi Jennifer

I think the red balloon centre claims the money back fairly quickly, it's so good they can boost their donations in that way. I so want to get them to that £1M for James.

Love Angela
xxx

Hi Angela,

Thanks for answering my question. I know exactly what you mean - I can't wait for Red Balloon to reach their target amount and for James Bulger House to open. I picture in my mind the opening of the Centre, and Denise (and I hope Ralph) being there and being happy to see this achieved.