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With the 2020s just around the corner this is a sure fire blockbuster of a script:
M.A.D. (Mutually Assured Destruction)
Logline: Life and fiction blur hilariously as new POTUS Donald Dump’s trade war with China escalates.
Will it end with both leaders in a cage fight… or ARMAGEDDON?
Summary: Donald Dump, owner of a global luxury prison empire, is on a business trip to Moscow with
his robotic wife (Mekanika) and greedy daughter (Satania). He’s there to try and convince Russian leader
(Vladiwell Putitin ) to buy one of his prisons. While cheating at golf his accountant drops the bad news.
Dump is broke. Putitin, however, has a plan to make him mega-rich. Putitin takes Dump to watch a sex
show. There Dump boasts about the enormous size of his penis (the Donaconda). Putitin persuades
Dump that he must run for president on a ‘pro red neck, anti-everything Democrat’ ticket. Dump could
pocket all the campaign funds and make millions. All Putitin wants in return is the ‘occasional favor.’
Meanwhile over in Britain there’s a constitutional crisis. Using an ancient law, Mrs. Dorothy
Trim, the owner of Plumtree Island, a tiny rock off the Welsh coast with only one building on it (her
house), threatens to declare independence from the UK unless a modern leisure facility is installed in
the house. The Queen and British Prime minister refuse. Trim knows she won’t be taken seriously unless
she becomes a global power. So, to strengthen her negotiation position, she decides to build a nuclear
device and declare Plumtree Island a nuclear state.
To this end she instructs the island’s teenage computer nerd (Alec) to build a bomb. In
researching the project, the lad discovers that he could set off ALL the world’s nuclear weapons using a
simple satellite phone set to the same frequency as their detonators. This would in effect be a
doomsday machine. Alec builds one. It looks benign, even silly. It’s a biscuit tin with a big red button on
top. Nevertheless, Mrs. Trim informs the world she possesses a doomsday machine and unless she gets
her leisure facility she’ll blow up the world.
Over in Washington, D.C. the Republicans are scratching their heads as to who would be their best
candidate to run for president. A TV debate is scheduled between the hopefuls. To make their chosen
ones look great they decide to include an idiot, a no hoper. Someone suggests Dump. To their
amazement, Dump steals the show by spouting red neck bull****. Dump is given the nomination partly
due to his performance but mainly because, following the show, all the other candidates met with
bizarre fatal accidents.
Meanwhile in the Democrats’ camp, their nominee is a saintly nun (Sister Dithery). She is so
puritanical they believe she will trounce Dump in the presidential race. However, unknown to them,
she’s been bribed by Putitin to flop. In the final one-on-one TV debate, she says something so shockingly
outrageous that Dump’s presidency becomes a shoe-in.
Dump’s inauguration is a disaster because there’s an appalling turn out of a ragbag audience who
throw rotten vegetables at the president, and the heavy rain causes Mekanika to blow a fuse and seizes
up. Dump is unfazed. He releases a video with his face clumsily photoshopped onto that of Barack
Obama’s head in his inauguration.
Dump starts his presidency with his arrogance and his stupidity battling for supremacy. After a
hard day making moronic decisions (such as building a waterless canal along the Mexican / US border
then filling it back in) he gets ready for bed. There is a gift from US industries in his bathroom, a 2 stroke
shaver. He tries it out but it’s a heap of crap. It’s so bad it nearly chews up his face. His security guard
offers Dump the use of his razor. It’s a slick Chinese model. Dump discovers the US buys $ billions worth
of these but sells none of the US ones back to China.
A furious Dump phones the Chinese president (Mi Hung Long) and threatens a trade war unless
Mi buys US razors. Dump sends Mi a sample. At the Chinese border a customs guard opens the box
addressed to Mi and tries out the razor. His face is cut to ribbons. The incident is filmed. The clip goes
viral on social media. Word gets back to Mi who thinks this as a failed assassination attempt by Dump.
The two leader’s egos are bruised. They have a furious row. Not only is war threatened between the two
superpowers but Dump and Mi challenge each other to a boxing match.
Both men start training for the fight. Whilst training they hear about Trim’s threat with the
doomsday device. Both men decide to send a force to invade the island and steal the doomsday
machine. Dump puts Satania in charge of the US commandos, and Mi puts his daughter (Bi Za Bub) to
head up the Chinese special force.
Back in England the Queen hears about the ‘secret’ invasions. She decides it wou