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As I Was Saying

As I Was Saying
As we grow older and wiser we become aware that successful people are the ones prepared to go that extra mile, those prepared to put a bit more into life. Take the Sistine Chapel for example, back in 1473 Pope Sixtus IV instigated the chapel’s restoration. Things went smoothly until a local decorating firm put in a team of Renaissance painters to do the walls. The spec read ‘wooden panels to be undercoated and glossed.’ Time quoted approx six weeks. They were in there for nine bloody years. Yes frescos are beautiful but people got tired of saying their prayers out in the street with the Pope waving his arms half a mile away, plus the refurbishment was six million shekels over budget. So, quite rightly, in 1508 when Pope Julius II wanted the ceiling painted he spoke to the works foreman. ‘I don’t want no ******* about this time, no cherubs or angels, just two coats of white emulsion is that understood? The foreman smiled. ‘Leave it to me Julius I’ve got a new guy just started named Michelangelo, he will give you a ceiling to be proud of. The Pope gritted his teeth. ‘Yeah, well you tell Micky whatisname I want him in and out of there in two weeks okay? Four years later Julius declared, ‘bugger me it’s the bloody walls all over again!’

As I Was Saying
An aspect of life that constantly amazes me is becoming aware of people’s perception of who and what you are. An example of this occurred a week ago when I got a phone call. ‘Dave, it’s Terry and Fay. Fred died last night and we wondered if you would come round and bury him, you’re better than us at that sort of thing!’ Like I’m some sort of authority on burial procedures? (Fred was their cat by the way). Everyone loved our cat Pebbles so when she died eighteen months ago I made a coffin and buried her beneath our floral pagoda. Yes I suppose it is a form of monument and people often comment on it and her but that’s as far as it goes, I mean I don’t do regular funerals or cremations. Anyway round I went, not as an undertaker but purely as a friend to find they had dug a hole and wrapped him in a bin liner along with his teddy bear. I filled it in and planted a Hydrangea bush to mark the spot. As I stood up, Fay who was sobbing her heart out suddenly says, ‘could you say a few words.’ I have never been ordained but stopped short of saying ‘you must be joking’. Clasping my hands together I said, ‘God this is Fred, he fell off the shed, landed on his head and now he is dead. I hope that’s alright with you Amen. Hardly Wordsworth but rather appropriate I thought.
David Colane