You have shared with us your pain and all of us go through these feelings and yet I would keep reminding you of our relationship with the Mother. IT IS ETERNAL. Nothing you or I or anyone will do will result in any form of abandonment. Remember that always.
Once a son came to Mother telling her how difficult it has been for him to stay pure. She looked at him and then told him" Whenever any bad thought comes to your mind just say to yourself I have a Mother" I will try to get the correct quote but the main point is that Mother herself has reassured all her children about her willingness and duty to take care of her children. You are Her child, so why should you fear, even if we play in the dirt and mud and are stained, She will lift us in her arms, bless us and send us on our way to do what we are here to do. Her work.
Mother is there always with Her children, and where her children come and gather in her name like here in this courtyard She pays special attention. She hears each sigh that escapes from our lips, all we need to say is
"I have a Mother"