The prayers that come from the soul are always answered and I think Mother has heard your anguish.
Does the Mother ever look at our faults? I do not think so. So try not to dwell into the why of things. While it is important to look back and see what went wrong, moving towards the future is more positive and helpful. We learn much from our past but why waste time with those discussions. As Sri Ramakrishna mentions ”The more you move towards the east the more is the west left behind” So you want to get back to Mother, you have already made the first step and know that it is one step away from the past, whatever it was and whatever you perceived it to be. Be positive, be optimistic, become a fearless child of the Mother rediscover what you really are, a divine child of the Mother and you will conquer everything.
You made the first step, I am sure Mother has made ten more steps towards you. It may not come in the form of a vision or deep meditation but in some subtle way that only you will know, Mother is with you and watching you.