Dear All,

What a wonderful article of Swami Vidyatamanada ji you have brought to us brother Vriju!

It reminds me of happenings of my own life.

For 7 years since i was seventeen, i prayed everyday for renunciation, pure love for God and monastic life for myself. All the temples i ever visited i had only one prayer that i may love the Lord with pure love.

When i saw people praying for worldy things like wealth, marriage, worldly happiness, i used to feel - 'how can they??'........ alas perhaps that was my undoing. Had i started considering myself spiritually higher , more moral then others?? Perhaps subconciuosly.

Well last year i was taught a lesson - i fell in love with somebody, never thought i would but over time i did......

and what happened? - i am ashamed to say but now my prayers to the Lord everyday did not include the line 'make me a true monk..' anymore ....

i found myself justifying my new pattern of thought , i said why couldnt i love to God and pray to him whilst leading a married life. when i went to temples i was tempted to beg the Lord for for a happy worldly life too. I was doing the very same thing that i criticised others for!!!

I do not believe the change that has copme in my beliefs just over the last few months , and i have forgotten all that i beleived in for 7 years of my life.

My love life is not very happy , and unfortuanately i find myself thinking day n nioght about the person concerned instead of thinking of or praying to God!

my prayers have reduced, my thoughts are no longer pure, i have indeed fallen.

i do not know what to do.

Why has the Lord done this? I am neither here nor there.

And its so true - when im happy in my love life, when things are going fine, i do not even think of God. only when im unhappy i think of Him.

Im stuck!! stuck big time.... what madness is this!

Location: mumbai

Brother Bluto,

Mysterious is the power of Maya. The Samskaras and Vasanas are very powerful. Sanyas is sterner stuff. It demands endurance, renunciation and dispassion. Mind has to be purified first by destroying Vasanas and Raga Dwesha.

The important thing to remember is not how many times we fall, but that we rise up each time we fall.

Location: Wilmslow, U.K.

Brother,
The only thing that bothers me about your post, is that you say the relationship is not happy. If it were happy, I would not be worried.

Location: North Carolina

Dear Sister rosemary and Brother Vriju,

first of all thank you for ur replies....

Sister perhaps if my relationship was happy i would not be here in the courtyard that often, perhaps i would think of God less......

I also want it to be happy, but perhaps God wills otherwise, but in any case it is true that that unhappiness does bring my mind to think about God.

Location: mumbai

You were thinking about God before your relationship, you are thinking of him now. Please do not condemn yourself. I am sure you would not condemn me.
We are where we are.

Location: North Carolina