Dear brothers and sisters in the courtyard,
i often come here and find my querys and problems solved.....

i wish to post a problem which has been confusing me for quite a while now..... please do think about it and advise me........ i sincerely respect the opinions of all of u in the courtyard.

My grandfather left me some inheritance, of which my mother was entitled to use its income, but not the capital. My mothers brother a very unscrupulous man, who is by no means poor , now is convincing my mother to give him half of this money (the capital) as he wants to buy another house (he already has one)

now my mother and myself are both the signatories, and if i dont sign he doesnt get anything.

however my mother wants to give it to him, and she has asked me to sign.

what should i do?

practical reasoning says no, i shoyld not sign, this man has never helped me or my family, and has only remembered us now when there is some money....

yet there is another voice in me that tells me that however impractical my mother may be, nothing in this world is more important than her happiness. i think about it often, but keep changing my mind.

look at our scriptures, Lord Rama obeyed his parents unquestingly, look at Bhishma who catered to such a foolish demand of his father and gave up his birthright to keep his father happy........
if only i was so unselfish....

and yet look at the mahabharata.... Lord Krishna told arjun to stand up and fight his enemies even though they were his relatives..... he himself punished his maternal uncle Kamsa...!

i am so confused, what should i do

what would you do?

Dear Holy Mother please guide me, always!

Salutations.

Dear Anon,

You had better approach somone in the legal profession for
advice on wordly matters such as this.

A spiritual person would simply quote Sri Ramakrishna,
who said:

"....God laughs when two brothers divide
their land with a string, saying to each other, '
This side is mine and that side is yours.'
He laughs and says to Himself, 'The whole universe belongs to Me,
but they say they own this portion or that portion."

Quote Source

My personal [worldly] opinion is the following:

Many families suffer for years with antagonistic feelings,
between individual members, who should be full of love for each other.
And these tragic disturbances are usually traced to money matters.
You had better follow your mother's advice in this matter.

In peace and Love,

Nahabat Web Admin

Hello again, Anon,

The following bits of advice may appear (at first) to be contradictory...but rather they are instead 'complimentary'.

1.You had better approach someone in the legal profession for
advice on wordly matters such as this

2.You had better follow your mother's advice in this matter.

In other words, submit to the will of your mother, but see a lawyer
or notary, to make sure that your inheritance is protected with the necessary legal documentation.

Nahabat Web Admin

You do pose a strong problem.

I think that if it were me, I would go to my Mother with simplicity and humbleness with my concerns. Are you protecting the property for your own posterity?
Is your Mother caving in to the greed of her brother, or are there deeper issues between herself and her brother? At the bottom line, your Mother is asking you to give up something that is yours

One hates and despises, on our path, to see ourselves as greedy and grasping...or ungenerous to our parents.

I do see your problem and I appreciate the spiritual way in which you presented it to us. Where do you give in, and where do you stand firm.

Good luck, my brother. Please stay in touch. I have no answers but you can believe that I will be thinking on this today.

Location: North Carolina

There is symbolism here too..in the love that is represented in the gift from the grandfather to the grandson....

Location: North Carolina

Dear Anon,

Rosemary has brought out important aspects of your difficulty. You are being asked to give up something which is yours, given to you by your grandfather. It may also be something that you and your own family need, if not now, them in the future.

If what you have written is accurate, than it appears that you uncle is in no immediate need.

While we would all be hesitate to give you direct advice, some additional considerations come to mind.

1. Sri Ramakrishna and Holy Mother taught even their monastic children not to be foolish or wasteful. There were very adamant about this. And I think you are right: Their insistence was related to the teachings to Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita. So long as we are aware of the world, we are required to pay attention and try to do what is right in every situation. This includes not allowing oneself to be taken advantage of or unnecessarily harmed.

2. Even more so, it is the spiritual duty and practice of a householder, one who is not a monastic, to provide for and look after their own future and that of their family.

These two considerations do not mean that we will never be harmed or taken advantage of. Whenever we try to do the right thing, the outcome is always in Mother's hands. We do not control own destiny or obtain a desired outcome by our actions.

But we do shape our spiritual character through them. A spiritual person is never weak or deluded or passive. To quote Swami Vivekananda, a coward does not practice nonviolence. In order to PRACTICE nonviolence one must have the ability to do violence and choose not to. Spiritual virtue is an act of one's will. It is not virtue if one simply allows seemingly virtuous actions to take place. The idea that a spiritual aspirant is to sit quietly by and allow oneself to be walked on and think, "Oh well, all is Mother's will," is a kind of self-delusion.

We are called as spiritual aspirants to be ever mindful of the circumstance in which we find ourselves and deliberate in our actions to the best of out abilities....WHILE being ever accepting of the outcomes.

God is in every aspect of manifestation and we must treat the aspect accordingly. As Sri Ramakrishna would say, "Yes, God is in the tiger, but one must not try to bow in worship before the tiger god. God is in the runaway elephant and in the elephant driver who tells us to move out of its way. God is in the thief and in the policeman who arrests him. I ask you to be spiritual, not foolish."

God is in the unscrupulous uncle. You must decide how best to worship him. And for this, as Tom said, you may want to seek the advice of a lawyer and/or anyone who might help you decide.........Above all, Mother herself.

Thank you so much for your response, i have read your statements over and over again.

Thank you Rosemary, your wonderful words made me very happy especially that you would be thinking of me . Isnt it amazing that all of us here think and pray for each other even though none of us know each other. This is indeed the Holy Mothers power.

Thank you Jayanti, your words brought home in a few paragraphs the essence of what our scriptures say in relation to this particular situation. i keep reading your paragraphs again and again. thank you

And thank you Nahabat W A ;- i intend to do what you have suggested.

I am agreeing to my mothers demand, my uncle can have this money for his house, however my only condition is that this money should revert back to me atleast after his death. i am charging no interest nor am i asking for the appreciation that this property may have over the next 5/10/15 years. all i want is that this amount should come back to me.

however legally there is not much that can be done, not an air tight agreement in any case. since i live India, this being a civil case, it will stretch anywhere from 10 to 20 years.

However what i do intend to do is to make my uncle swear solemnly before the Lord that what he has taken from me he must return to me.

Thank you again, this is the best i can think of as of now, I believe the Mother is guiding me as always.

Thank you mother.

Mother is indeed gracious, helping her make a decision that is right for him.

Dear Anon,

You mentioned, in your initial posting: "My mothers brother a very unscrupulous man, who is by no means poor."

Now, you are saying: "However what i do intend to do is to make my uncle swear solemnly before the Lord that what he has taken from me he must return to me."

Comment: There appears to be a conflict between the two above statements.

The solemn oaths of a man, who is 'known to be very unscrupulous', cannot be taken seriously.

I still stick by my original suggestion, that you seek professional legal advice. Perhaps it may be arranged that you could share legal ownership of the proposed property?

Love and Best Wishes,

Nahabat Web Admin

I am glad you have come to a decision. I hope that you have a feeling of peace that will rest with you.

In America, we have a very stringent law that protects the property owner called Life Estate.
The day you made your post, a situation came up in my office where a woman came for help with the will of property of her parents home. The second wife of her father had a Life Estate which meant she could live there till she died. Evidently, the step mother passed away earlier this year, without her family notifying the real property owner, as the property was to revert to her upon the step mother's death. The family of the step mother are still living in the house. They will probably have to be legally evicted.

I was glad to learn that the womans' father was very clear in the will, about how the property was to be handled. I feel strongly that her father did right by her and told her so.

Location: North Carolina