18-January-2012 (Wednesday)
Reminiscences of The Holy Mother!!!

SWAMI SARADESHANANDA-15

The couple was going back. Mother stood at the main entrance, her eyes brimming with tears, gazing steadfastly at them as long as they could be seen. When they were finally out of sight, she heaved a long sigh, and coming back sat down very sadly in the veranda adjoining Nalinididi’s room, her legs outstretched and her hands resting on her lap. Sometime later, a towel left behind by them was suddenly noticed. As Mother to lament loudly, her attendant-son (the author himself) ran after them with the towel in hand. They had not yet gone very far. They were embarrassed on seeing the towel, and gratefully taking it, continued their journey happily. The son communicated this to the Mother and she was relieved.

(REMINISCENCES OF Sri Sarada Devi by Monastics, Devotees, and others - Compiled and Edited in Bengali by SWAMI PURNATMANANDA - Translated by MALOTI SEN GUPTA : P 31-32)

Location: Bangalore

Dear Sister Rosemary, Sister Jayanti, Brothers Tom and Satwik,

I was following with interest some of the discussion threads. I especially read with absorbed attention the discussions of the 3rd January 2012. Permit me to jot down some random thoughts coursing through my mind at the moment. Yesterday, when I entered the Ramakrishna temple here in New Delhi, the serenity in the atmosphere inside the shrine forced this thought upon my mind, "What a heaven they have built here..." My soul felt it momentarily, and then I was back to my normal self, feeling nothing, but yes, not wishing to leave the shrine -- as it almost always happens. It was some time after the evening vesper services, just two or three devotees were there in the big hall in front of the shrine -- meditating, a brahmachari (aspiring monastic member) was also there. The light was dim, just sufficient. A few foreigners came, a young man and several ladies. They stood at the entrance and looked on as one of the ladies came and sat for a while on the carpet before the shrine. In a while she cleared her throat quite loudly. Generally I feel irritated or angry at such instances of what seems to me lack of consideration, for when one's mind gets absorbed in the name of the Lord, a loud sound can be not only a distraction but disorienting. Not that I was absorbed; I seldom am. But the brahmachari was. But yesterday, I did not feel so. As it is the lady was only following a natural impulse, I suppose.

Sister Rosemary, Holy Mother has herself stated at one place that even the 'mad' aunt who tried to even hit her, knew perfectly well who she (Holy Mother) was. But they were playing their Mother allotted roles, adding spice to the Leela (Divine Drama) of the Holy Mother.

If Radhu had not troubled Holy Mother so and occupied part of her attention, Holy Mother would have returned to her heavenly abode long long back, and we would have been deprived of witnessing her leela for some time. Even as a young bride, when Shri Ramakrishna was there and instructing his women disciples and devotees, Holy Mother listening to the talk would almost always fall asleep in the middle of the conversation. When someone, say Lakshmi Didi, wanted to nudge her awake, Shri Ramakrishna forbade her, saying, "Don't wake her up. If she hears the whole thing, she would immediately sprout wings and fly away to her heavenly abode.!"

About Judas, yes, he was essential to the divine drama enacted by Jesus Christ. There is an account that he was reborn in India and become the disciple of a perfect master. It was his last birth during which he retained his weakness for gold (money), ultimately overcoming that weakness and reaching perfection towards the end of his life. I don't know what to make of this account, but yes, in Indian tradition the great promise of the Lord in the Bhagavad Gita gives heart to one and all, "Boldly canst thou proclaim, O' Son of Kunti, that there is no destruction for my devotee." And once a devotee, always a devotee, whatever be the adventures or misadventures on the way to the Lord's lotus feet. There is no waste of unfinished effort in the devotees devotional strivings, assures the Lord.

Sister Rosemary, I haven't written to you for long, not even wished you on the New Year. I wish it now. May Mother bring peace to your heart and mind and you find love, joy, peace and fulfilment in Her lap. Amen!

I have given up all, or almost all protection that my family and well-wishers had put on my body. I am without armour now in my fight against my samskaras (past-life karmas bearing fruit in the present body). I don't know what is to be the future of this body, which way it will go, what will be its end, I mean what type of end, but I feel reassured by the reassurance in my heart and by physical manifestations of the same (such as receiving a significant card for Christmas 2011 and the New Year 2012 from the Sangha Guru, the President of the Ramakrishna Math and Mission Swami Atmasthananda Ji just the other day, that too written and signed with his own hand (if I am correct in my sight), something which he rarely does at his advanced age of 93 years) regarding my self or higher self or soul, whatever, what I am in essence.

Anyway, time for lunch and then off to the Ramakrishna Mission during the lunch break to try one more 'upai' or remedy to resolve my karmic bondage and the resultant blockage.

Thanking you all and hoping that my ramblings will not offend anybody.

With regards,

Ankur

Location: New Delhi

Dear Ankur, You write so eloquently, and may I add my belated wishes for a Happy and Prosperous New Year.

As you probably know, Hriday was at one time Sri Ramakrishna's caretaker, possibly even his closest companion. Hriday began to ask and accept money from the aspirants wishing for darshan with Thakur. Hriday, from what I understand, was banished from the inner circle in the presence of Thakur.

"On 19 August 1883, Sri Ramakrishna received a letter from Hriday which he mentioned to M.: "You see, I am very much depressed today. Hriday has written me that he is very ill. Why should I feel depressed about it? Is it because of maya or daya?" The Master continued: "Do you know what maya is? It is attachment to relatives--parents, brother, sister, wife and children, nephew and niece. Daya means love for all created beings. Now what is this, my feeling about Hriday? Is it maya or daya? But Hriday did so much for me. He served me wholeheartedly and nursed me when I was ill. But later he tormented me also. The torment became so unbearable that once I was about to commit suicide by jumping in the Ganges from the top of the embankment. But he did much to serve me. Now my mind will be at rest if he gets some money. But whom shall I ask for it? Who likes to speak about such things to our rich visitors?"

On 26 October 1884, Hriday came to visit Sri Ramakrishna at Dakshineswar. M. recorded in the Gospel:

A man entered the room and told the Master that Hriday was waiting to see him in Jadu Mallick's garden, near the gate.

The Master said to the devotee: "I shall have to see Hriday. Please don't leave the room." He put on his slippers and went towards the east gate of the temple garden, M. accompanying him.

At the sight of the Master, Hriday, whod had been standing there with folded hands, prostrated himself before him. When the Master told him to get up, her rose and began to cry like a child. How strange! Tears also appeared in the Master's eyes. He wiped them away with his hands. Hriday had made him suffer endless agonies, yet the Master wept for him.

Master: Why are you here now?"

Hriday (weeping): "I have come to see you. To whom shall I tell my sorrows?" ...

"They Lived With God", pp 71 -72, Swami Chetanananda

Location: New Bern, NC

Thank you, dear Sister Rosemary. Your sharings brought to me the faintest hints of the stirrings of the memory of a life gone by, of a life lived richly, but yet spoiled through disobedience and irresponsibility leading to...

Anyway, thank you very much. The past is past indeed. The present moment is all-consumingly important and may we live in it fully, consciously and richly, in the richness of God's love.

With regards,

Ankur

Location: New Delhi

Dear Ankur ji,

I always enjoy reading your postings. May the Holy Trio
help you to overcome any karmic blockage which is impeding your spiritual progress.

Om Shanthi Om