To my American Mother (Rosemary Osterhus), and for Sister Jayanti
I have not been well. As you might have understood a bit from my write-up on Ijyananda Ji, I have gone through much in life. By Guru's Kripa, I have yearned for the Divine, for Thakur all these years since last 25 years. Thakur, in His Compassion, has expanded my spirit greatly, but there has not been a corresponding expansion in the mind and body system due to lack of seva. SO while the Divine in response to my pining had been pouring Himself in, my vessel of body and mind has been too small to contain what was being given. As a result there was much pressure on the mind, it has revolted, and in the pressure from the spirit within buckled temporarily, which in Medical terms has been diagnosed as schizophrenia. Plus my prarabdha is there. So I very much need rest now, then to take the medication prescribed, then to multiply those things in my life which have given me, indeed which have given me the greatest pleasure, in life, viz., japa, visit to Thakur's temples especially, pilgrimages, and giving giving giving, materially, physically, mentally, spiritually, as and when the inner urge comes. When this urge for seva (service to the Divine in His creation) comes strongly and becomes a consistent, regular, daily affair, I will be rid of my mental ailment(s). For my vessel will expand and be able to contain what my spirit has already attained. So with harmony restored, there will be peace, love, and the burning tyaga already within me by Guru's blessings will manifest (once the little bhoga which still remains is gone through consciously; otherwise it will take time) in its corollary of increasing pining for Him, devotion for Him and attraction for Him, and love, love, love, for Him who alone has loved me, His servant, as one should love; the rest as Mother wills.. Ma.
Re: To my American Mother (Rosemary Osterhus), and for Sister Jayanti
Dear Ankur,
We met a long time ago here on the Courtyard and we have always maintained contact.
If the diagnosis of schizophrenia helps to ease the pressure that you are daily struggling under and if the medications help you then please stay on the medications. This means that there is an organic cause to your mental distress. Please stay on the medications and you will be helping yourself and all those who are concerned for you.
I will always appreciate the things you have done for me.
Re: To my American Mother (Rosemary Osterhus), and for Sister Jayanti
Dear Brother,
I am sorry to learn of your suffering. And I am very thankful to Thakur and Ma that you are feeling better. Brother Tom has written a lovely prayer on your behalf. Sister Rosemary has written wisely. I have had a friend who struggled with schizophrenia. Balancing the body/brain chemistry is sometime beyond our own ability. As Sister Rosemary says, if it seems to help you be sure to take as advised. And rely on Thakur and Ma.
We will certainly keep in touch with our dear brother. May you realize your hearts desire by Mother and Thakur's grace.
