Reminiscences of Holy Mother – Swami Aseshananda

The Udbodhan was about ten or fifteen minutes walk from Balaram Bose’s house. At the Udbodhan I was seated in the office room of Swami Dhirananda, Krishnalal Maharaj, addressed me and said, “Young boy, I have seen you at Balaram Bose’s house several times. Who will take your responsibility?” At that time I was studying Kant, Hegel, and my favourite philosopher, Plato, whom I admired as the most admiring philosopher of Western thought. I liked Aristotle for his system of logic, but Plato I esteemed for his transcendental ideal. To Swami Dhirananda I explained that I was a rugged individualist, like a young American boy. In St. Paul’s College it was compulsory to read the Bible, I did not read the Bhagavad Gita. Swami Dhirananda kept quiet and finally said, “You do not know anything about spiritual life. In spiritual life, there should be a mentor, a guide who holds the torch and shows you the way. Suppose you go to a cave temple, which is all dark. If you are alone, you bump your head on the walls. But if you find a priest who holds a torch, then you can see the deity unhurt and be satisfied.” I asked the Swami, “What do you mean? Kindly explain to me,” He replied, “I mean Holy Mother is upstairs. You should go and ask her grace to initiate you into spiritual life.”


The year was 1917. In those days not much was known about Holy Mother publicly. No books were available depicting her life in detail, and no photographs of her were circulated. The Udbodhan House was built by Swami Saradananda for the convenience of Holy Mother and her relatives when she would come to Kolkata. The office room in which I was seated was downstairs. Upstairs was the shrine room in which Holy Mother lived. Women were permitted to visit the Mother everyday, but men were restricted to Tuesdays and Saturdays only.

Brahmachari Rasbehari, who served Holy Mother in the Udbodhan as well as in Jayrambati, came to the office room where I was seated and said, “Those who want to see the Mother should follow me.” He advised us not to speak to Mother, but only to prostrate, touch her feet and return down by another staircase. So I followed him, came before Mother, who was veiled, prostrated myself, touched her feet, and proceeded down the stairs. Seeing me Swami Dhirananda enquired, “Did you ask Mother to shower her grace upon you, to accept you and give you initiation?” I said, “Maharaj, I was not permitted to speak.” Then the swami called, “Rasbehari, you take this boy to Holy Mother, tell her that he goes to Maharaj and that she should kindly shower her grace upon him.” Knowing that Rasbehari was a little orthodox, he explained that I was a brahmin boy, coming from a good family, that I was studying in college, etc. So I was permitted to see Mother again. This time she had no veil. Mother said to me, “Why, my child, you go to Rakhal; Rakhal can give you initiation. He is entitled to give, so why ask me?” I had the good fortune to say, “Mother, if you shower your grace, I will consider it a great privilege. It will be God-send to me, my great fortune.” Then Mother remained silent and agreed saying, “All right, come after two days. Take your bath in the Ganges, do not take any breakfast, and come to the office room downstairs; wait there till I call you. I will perform the Master’s worship and will send someone to call you upstairs for initiation.”

When I came downstairs and reported to Swami Dhirananda what Mother had said, he was extremely pleased, so joyful as if his joy were greater than mine. That day, I had no idea that I would seek the grace of a great soul in the form of initiation. It was suddenly offered to me. I was then seventeen years old, and at that time I did not know the meaning of initiation. I took it for granted that Mother wanted to make me feel she was very close to me, that she was my very own even though I was a stranger. To tell you the truth, I did not think at that time that the Holy Mother was the Divine Mother herself. It was Swami Saradananda who later opened my eyes to that side of Mother’s nature. Mother, as it were, kept all her powers hidden. I simply felt she was very kind, very affectionate, very compassionate, but not that she was the Divine Mother come to earth in human form.

HOLY MOTHER – by SWAMI SHIVANANDA (REMINISCENCES OF Sri Sarada Devi by Monastics, Devotees, and others - Compiled and Edited in Bengali by SWAMI PURNATMANANDA - Translated by MALOTI SEN GUPTA : P 94-96)

Location: Bangalore