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Father I Committed Adultry

Genre; humor, (14 and up) approximately 111 minutes.

Pitch; A whole world of new experiences open up for a young Irish catholic lad whose tipsy father hands him his trousers after cutting out holes in the pockets.

Log line: At an age when sex talk was taboo, two naïve teenagers take it upon themselves to find the answers but are haunted by religious brainwashing and the fear of going to hell for their sins.

Memories of my childhood growing up in a Catholic community in Derry during and after World War 2 inspired me to poke fictitious fun at my religious upbringing.

Short Synopsis;
The problems of teenage sexuality are discussed in hilarious ways by two Irish lads who are gifted with Irish wit but consumed with guilt from wasting their seeds by the wayside. The scenes highlight the days of religion domination by the Catholic Church over its followers where sex talk was taboo. The lads had to figure things out for themselves.
Most of the action takes place in Derry except for a short fishing trip to Buncrana.
Many scenes take place in St. Eugene’s Cathedral.
Paddy is a deeply religious teenager in the Bogside slums of Derry City in Ireland.
Because he can’t afford to buy his son a Christmas present his tipsy father cuts holes in Paddy’s pockets so that he has something handy to play with.
With his new found pleasures conflicting with his Catholic beliefs, the 16 year old Paddy asks his pal Mickey to help him figure out how to tell Father Murphy at confession what he is doing without sounding vulgar. Following a long laughable discussion they come up with the brilliant idea to tell Father Murphy that he committed adultery.
When Father Murphy asks him who he was with when he committed adultery, he says, “I was alone Father.”
But, in spite of expressing his fears of going to hell for his sins, Paddy is not an angel. He meets up with a portly gypsy girl who raises pigs and is after his body. He figures she has seven pairs of knickers with the days of the week embroidered on them, because she always hangs six pairs of her knickers on the line on washday. When he sees that one day there are seven pairs on the line he feels the great seduction is beginning. He reluctantly agrees to spend a day fishing with her on her father’s boat. He catches crabs.
He is invited to a bean tasting party where he pigs out on beans, cabbage and prune juice. The next day at mass he disrupts the congregation by polluting the church air with foul gases which causes an uproar and ends up with him being arrested as a terrorist. St Eugene’s Cathedral in Derry has to be fumigated.
At a Franciscan retreat the priest proclaims, “If there is anybody here who does not want to renounce the devil and all his works, blow out the candle. At that moment an impish Paddy blows out Mickey’s candle causing pandemonium.
The two lads register for a sex education class. The teacher is Master Bates. Paddy thinks a vulva is a European car. Two girls arrive late and their excuse is,” we were blowing bubbles.” A big hefty looking lad comes in after and Master Bates says “I suppose you were blowing bubbles too”. Bragging proudly the lad replies, “No Sir I’m Bubbles.”
Paddy’s pal Mickey is no angel either. His father catches him in the act and tells him that when he pees there is no need to pump it.
For Halloween a local grocery store has a ‘Guess the Weight of a Pumpkin Contest’. Paddy wins a bicycle by an ingenious trick.
He loses his voucher at the race track and when a soldier returns it Paddy wishes him good luck, after which the soldier hits the jackpot.