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NURSING HOME SHENANIGANS
Log Line: An aging call girl retires to a senior’s residence and makes no secret that she is ready for business. Paddy the Irishman 90 takes her up on the offer in spite of the dire warnings of fellow residents.
Madame de Lamoure is a retired French cabaret and movie star who has the reputation of being a Call girl to the rich and famous. She calls herself an ecstasy engineer.
90 year old Paddy is turned on by her sexy presence and agrees to pay her $25 for her services plus tax.
He overdoses with Viagra and goes nuts in the sack with disastrous consequences.
The dialogue as Madame is introduced to the residents is garnished with jokes and humorous anecdotes.
At registration when the superintendent asks Madame to identify herself, she looks in the mirror and says, “That’s me.
She meets Big Dick a six foot six giant who was a hard character most of his life. He has a reputation of being a great lover but because of prostate problems he has become a bit of a softy.
Michael Skin is a musician in a group with three of his brothers. They are billed as The Four Skins.
Gino the barber tells the story of how he was ripped off when he was scammed into giving free haircuts.
He also relates the story of how a doctor got behind him and performed an unusual method to shrink his hemorrhoids.
Basil, a retired British banker has this bit of advice for Madame; “If you keep putting it in and taking it out you will lose interest.”
Jack the old sailor makes the ladies laugh when he tells them about his little dingy.
When Carlos, a past Olympic gold medal winner does pushups to impress Madame she quips, “You should have a girlfriend when you do that.”
Smart Alec says he must have been very bright when he was a boy because everyone called him Sonny.
Mr. Bates, a school teacher says the students call him Master Bates.
Alls Zimer is a wee bit eccentric and forgets things. She bought a book to improve her memory but she forgets where she put it.
Samba is a Nigerian, he worked most of his life as a masseur in a health club. He became very contentious when arthritis developed in his hands. Now he tends to rub people the wrong way.